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Question mark = ?


How will I pass this one?

"Alhamdulillah. You should be happy. Dah dapat USM. Lega."

I just smiled at every text messages that i received. Deep inside, a new question prodded my brain.

"Nanti macam mana nak pakai tudung kat sana?"

That one question is enough to wipe out that smile from my face. Yes, alhamdulillah, i am very relieved that i don't have to worry my guts sick thinking about the placement, BUT, the question of wearing the hijab thoroughly messed my brain. I feel like i'm swallowing a tank full of brine.

Oh yeah, why did the question pop out?

Because apparently the son of my dad's friend is happily studying there. At USM Kubang Kerian. Of all the places in Malaysia...i somehow think of it as fate. Anyway, this guy is of the same age as me and we used to be in the same class throughout primary school. Then he always come to my house during Christmas so, he knew my parents very very very well. Well enough to report to my dad if he saw me happily wearing the hijab at USM if he happened to 'accidentally' bumped into me.

I don't care what he thinks. I just don't want him to tell my parents before i do so. I decided to tell my parents when things are stable(e.g. study, money, emotion). Just so you know, i'm terrified of the idea confiding to my parents about me becoming a Muslim. Every time i thought of it, i secretly wish that i have someone to be with me when that time comes. I'm just so scared. :(

Anyway, i looked up the map of the campus just now and i calculated a sick 80% of chance of bumping into him. Ah, benci gile bila fikiran kusut macam ni. I'm just not ready yet but this situation is kind of forcing me to confess to my parents before the 'right' time.

If I Wear The Hijab

I might bump into him. Sooner or later. And then i will try to avoid him.

I'll freak out all of the time, afraid of bumping into him.

This is so not good for my emotional quotient balance.

I might flunk.



If I Didn't Wear The Hijab

I'll be free of self-conscious. 

But i'll be feeling guilty the whole time for not being able to cover my aurat.

This is also not good for my emotional health.

I might flunk.

But, i found out 2 solutions. Maybe, i don't know. I just hope this is the best thing i can opt for.

1. Do not wear the hijab temporarily, then choose the right moment to tell my parents.(meaning result dean's list, pastu perangai baik budi pekerti) Pastu dah bagitau tak kisah dah. Boleh pakai terus. Woohoo~ Oyeah~

Yeah, right. :(

2. Wear it, but when i see him, cepat2 lari jauh2.

Banyak laaaaa. :(



Still, rase tak sedap hati jugak. Ya ALLAH, show me the way.

Saya berserah saja pada ALLAH untuk menimbulkan ilham2 yg kreatif untuk menyelesaikan masalah kecil ini. InshaALLAH.


Surah 29:69 :)

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Comments

  1. afiq kotJune 8, 2010 at 11:21 PM

    Bismillah..

    Pakailah spek mata hitam bile jalan2...

    ps: nih cadangan yang agak mengarut gak sbnrnyer

    ReplyDelete
  2. nik uqbahJune 9, 2010 at 12:19 AM

    3. be friend with him. apepun, may ALLAH guides you. rabbuna yusahhil insyaALLAH.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cahaya Kegembiraan dan KesyukuranJune 9, 2010 at 12:22 AM

    agaklaa...cam pelik je nak pakai spek itam dlm kampus. haha

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cahaya Kegembiraan dan KesyukuranJune 9, 2010 at 12:38 AM

    >>> Nik Uqbah:

    Syukran. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Tea DrinkerJune 9, 2010 at 11:21 AM

    boleh je up satu lagi level n jadi ninja :).

    dare i say jgn pakai dulu for the need of secrecy?

    ReplyDelete
  6. a.j.June 9, 2010 at 5:48 PM

    purdah (face veil) perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
  7. AinulJune 9, 2010 at 6:44 PM

    you will not flunk ^_~

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cahaya Kegembiraan dan KesyukuranJune 9, 2010 at 11:13 PM

    tea drinker: ble sy bace je part ninja tu terus tergelak. haha. idea tu jgak yg sy tgh fikir.

    a.j.: i did thought of that tp sy klu bleh lepas pakai tu terus pakai. :)

    ainul: i will not. want not. can not.(dh stat merepek :P )

    ReplyDelete
  9. Khadijah C.June 11, 2010 at 1:21 AM

    Assalam Alaikum,

    Just want to share with you my experiences when I broke the news to my family just 2 weeks ago...

    I revert when I was studying overseas.. So, now I'm back for summer vacation, I decided to tell everyone so that I can practice my deen openly, Insha'Allah~

    But my aunts thought that I'm having depression... Some thought that I've got brainwashed by some nasty group of people... And many other funny funny thoughts by others...

    And they came to a conclusion that this religion thing is going to affect my studies...

    Alhamdulliah!!! I'm glad that I did well for my grades~ But still, they want me to concentrate on my studies (1 year more! Yay!) before talking about religion...

    Well, at least they have an idea that I'm a muslim now...

    All I need to show them is how Islam has changed me to be a better person! Another form of Dawah too! =D

    Anyway, things were said and I've declared I'm a muslim... Things were still uneasy at home but it's a great start!

    As for the hijab, take it slowly... A small change at a time... Just remember that dawn doesn't come suddenly... There is a gradual change before the full brightness in the day~

    Just a sharing from my "freshly baked" experiences... =D

    May Allah(SWT) guide us and keep us on right path... Ameen~

    W'salam,
    Khadijah C.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Cahaya Kegembiraan dan KesyukuranJune 11, 2010 at 2:53 PM

    waalaikumsalam warahmatullah wabarakatuh.

    I wish i have your courage.:)

    Thanks for the sharing. I need that. :)

    All the best ukhti.

    ReplyDelete

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