In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran
When I was jogging earlier, I couldn't help but think about everything that's happening in my life right now. Well, the reason I jogged is actually to take my mind for a walk and analyze everything so that I can decide on what to do in order to solve my worries/problems. So, you may say that my jogging is my very own corporate meeting. LOS(Laughs Out Silently)
So, as I was walking back to the hostel, a thought suddenly arise.
I've endured hardships and almost everything else resulted from me embracing this faith. No matter how hard I make du'a, things doesn't seem to get easier.
So the question was,
"Why am I still praying?
and I was pondering on it relentlessly until I finally came up with the answer I need. This came in mind.
Well, the very reason we can't help but to follow our parents' orders, no matter if they are good/bad parents.
The answer is OBEDIENCE.
When I chose Islam, I submitted myself willfully to Allah and His decree. Since Islam is the religion of submission to none other than Allah, I realized how much that changed me.
To tell you the truth, in my pre-Farah era, I was nowhere near a goody-two-shoes when it comes to obeying parents. I was a nightmare to my parents and the only thing that kept them patient with me is my academic performances. To my dad, money is everything, nothing else matters. So my education comes first, no matter how ill-behaved i am, if i showed him good results, he would not care about anything else. It was as simple as that.
So when I submitted to Allah, I was told that Allah loves those who obeyed their parents. This was almost the hardest task yet for me to fulfill as I am nowhere near a loving daughter. Usually my reasons to even call home is either to ask for money or to inform them the date of my upcoming exam. So when I tried calling home, this time just to ask about their wellbeings, my mum was so shocked that she blurted out, "Apa mimpi tiba-tiba ni?".
To tell you the truth, I was quite hurt and I felt rejected, but of course, that didn't stop me from trying. Alhamdulillah, that very act was the very base of what caused my mum to be able to travel across the South China Sea by plane to meet me. MashaAllah! And that act was 3 years ago, when I was still 18. If I hadn't started trying to reach out to my mum, we wouldn't have been so close and she wouldn't have accepted my choice of faith that well.
But of course, the only party left out in this situation is my dad. Even back then, nothing seems to please him. I wondered how my dad's mind works and I couldn't help but think, he was the reason for me to be like this. I have grown up to feel the need to try gain my father's appreciation but now I just couldn't care less. I've had enough I guess but still, without him, i wouldn't be here. He could have easily thrown me into the river or just leave me with my grandma when I was sick as a child but he still kept me and raised me up, though he kept so high of an expectation for me that I sometimes feel like bursting due to the pressure.
But of course, even I have high hopes for my future child, what more of someone who are being parents?
I couldn't blame him for trying to make me the best. If only I could make him realize that human can never play God. If only I can make him accept that we can only plan, but the decision is then is up to Allah.
I guess I did inherit some of my dad's elusiveness of admitting of being weak. I wouldn't want to show people that I am weak, simply because I want them to think I can handle everything on my own.
But again, human can never play God.
The rules are,
So why don't we just stick to this one rule and forget about everything else? Why worry ourselves with things that's out of our hands?
This is my weekly tazkirah and this one's for you The Rocking Hijab.
Salam alaikum and may your day be blessed.
We must hurt in order to grow, fail in order to know, & lose in order to gain. Because some lessons in life, are best learnt through pain.
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran
When I was jogging earlier, I couldn't help but think about everything that's happening in my life right now. Well, the reason I jogged is actually to take my mind for a walk and analyze everything so that I can decide on what to do in order to solve my worries/problems. So, you may say that my jogging is my very own corporate meeting. LOS(Laughs Out Silently)
So, as I was walking back to the hostel, a thought suddenly arise.
I've endured hardships and almost everything else resulted from me embracing this faith. No matter how hard I make du'a, things doesn't seem to get easier.
So the question was,
"Why am I still praying?
and I was pondering on it relentlessly until I finally came up with the answer I need. This came in mind.
Well, the very reason we can't help but to follow our parents' orders, no matter if they are good/bad parents.
The answer is OBEDIENCE.
When I chose Islam, I submitted myself willfully to Allah and His decree. Since Islam is the religion of submission to none other than Allah, I realized how much that changed me.
To tell you the truth, in my pre-Farah era, I was nowhere near a goody-two-shoes when it comes to obeying parents. I was a nightmare to my parents and the only thing that kept them patient with me is my academic performances. To my dad, money is everything, nothing else matters. So my education comes first, no matter how ill-behaved i am, if i showed him good results, he would not care about anything else. It was as simple as that.
So when I submitted to Allah, I was told that Allah loves those who obeyed their parents. This was almost the hardest task yet for me to fulfill as I am nowhere near a loving daughter. Usually my reasons to even call home is either to ask for money or to inform them the date of my upcoming exam. So when I tried calling home, this time just to ask about their wellbeings, my mum was so shocked that she blurted out, "Apa mimpi tiba-tiba ni?".
To tell you the truth, I was quite hurt and I felt rejected, but of course, that didn't stop me from trying. Alhamdulillah, that very act was the very base of what caused my mum to be able to travel across the South China Sea by plane to meet me. MashaAllah! And that act was 3 years ago, when I was still 18. If I hadn't started trying to reach out to my mum, we wouldn't have been so close and she wouldn't have accepted my choice of faith that well.
But of course, the only party left out in this situation is my dad. Even back then, nothing seems to please him. I wondered how my dad's mind works and I couldn't help but think, he was the reason for me to be like this. I have grown up to feel the need to try gain my father's appreciation but now I just couldn't care less. I've had enough I guess but still, without him, i wouldn't be here. He could have easily thrown me into the river or just leave me with my grandma when I was sick as a child but he still kept me and raised me up, though he kept so high of an expectation for me that I sometimes feel like bursting due to the pressure.
But of course, even I have high hopes for my future child, what more of someone who are being parents?
I couldn't blame him for trying to make me the best. If only I could make him realize that human can never play God. If only I can make him accept that we can only plan, but the decision is then is up to Allah.
I guess I did inherit some of my dad's elusiveness of admitting of being weak. I wouldn't want to show people that I am weak, simply because I want them to think I can handle everything on my own.
But again, human can never play God.
The rules are,
ASK. LET GO. And LET GOD.
So why don't we just stick to this one rule and forget about everything else? Why worry ourselves with things that's out of our hands?
This is my weekly tazkirah and this one's for you The Rocking Hijab.
Salam alaikum and may your day be blessed.
AssalamAlaikum sis,
ReplyDeleteyou have made me think about why i pray too~ and wrote this on my blog..
http://assalamualaikumpeace.blogspot.com/2011/10/why-do-i-still-pray.html
JazakAllah Khair~
W'salam,
Khadijah C.
assalamu'alaikum nur farah syakirah :)
ReplyDeletealhamdulillah...
saya pernah jmpa farah ms progrm di pasir puteh.tak sangka farah seorg muallaf.first time tgk mcm org melayu biasa. :)
wish u all da best.
stiap ksusahan pasti ada kemudahan.
:)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteSalam,
ReplyDeleteWhy I pray....
If you are in search of the place
of the soul, you are the soul.
If you are in search of a morsel
of bread, you are the bread.
If you know this secret,
then you know
that whatever you seek,
Just to share...
from,
penang..
you are that.
assalamualaikum, what a beautiful entry.
ReplyDeletePre-Ikhwan era? Err... I don't even really pray to any idol or religion's god. Alhamdulilah I found the way back to God path, till then I have been become His guest in praying forever. Only to Him I bow..
salam
ReplyDeleteI really really really like this blog...keep it up...(~_n)v
nice entry...really open up my mind..:D
ReplyDeleteDear Farah,
ReplyDeleteassalamualaikum and insyaAllah you'll have a blessed Eid ul-Adha tomorrow.
I spent my night reading your blog.
Thanks. You're a strong girl and you remind me of this saying:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
— Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
And I think of this beautiful verse from Surah Yunus when i read your blog:
(10:109) Follow thou the inspiration sent unto thee, and be patient and constant, till Allah do decide: for He is the best to decide.
As for me, I was born in a practicing Muslim family. But I realized the time when my heart was truly opened by Him was when I was in a turmoil over losing my dad to cancer few years back. Ever since then, I'm trying to find my way to keep my priorities in life right, Insyaallah.
If you ever need anything, or have any beneficial events you would like to share, I would love to help and assist. (i'm a junior lawyer btw, so the legal field would be my expertise insyaAllah. but ya, just a junior oki. =p )
TRH-Hana:
ReplyDeleteWaalaikumsalam warahmatullah wabarakatuh and thanks for the wish. :)
InshaAllah, if I do need anything, will tell u. Eheh. Oh btw, about events that i'm sharing, do read my Twins of Faith post. Pasal event islamic that will be held in december. :)