The Hoarder

I have always known that I am somewhat a hoarder in a way, but not really that bad. I only keep things that hold sentimental values, and it doesn't matter what it is; a piece of napkin, a folded paper, as long as it holds a meaning to me, then it’s for keepers.

While I was sorting my stuffs, which as dreadful as it may sound, in MY PURSE, I found a collection of stuffs that I still kept from God knows when but I can approximate the year at least I think.

The map, is drawn by my uncle, in 2009, when my younger brother and I decided to go to Mid Valley by bus to kill time before we went back to our house in Sarawak. I still remember my outfit at that time; I was wearing a cap, because I was fashioning a boy cut hair, and a long sleeve t-shirt paired with my blue jeans. I was already a Muslim at that time, but not to my brother’s knowledge. My uncle knew and he helped me kept it a secret. The reason why I was wearing a cap was to cover my hair at that time which looked ridiculous and it made me look like a tomboy but I didn’t care as long as I have something to cover my hair with. It’s either that or wearing a t-shirt with a hoodie, which would be worse and would make me look like a hoodlum.

So, anyway, the reason why I kept the map was because it was very amusing so I decided that it will be an archival material, and it was also amusing that I actually referred to this so called map paired with my capable sense of direction, and we made it to Mid Valley on our own. I was 19 and my brother was 16 at that time. 

How time flies.

And there’s the receipt of my first zakat fitrah. I remembered I was in Ipoh Parade at that time, it was in 2011, and I paid my first zakat there. It was awesome and also an exciting experience for me. Perak will stay in my heart forever as I was in my lowest moment back then, and so alone. Okay, so enough about that.

The square pink envelope; I got it when I was talking at KTT back in 2012 I think. It was from a former Yayasan Sarawak junior who happened to also made it to study in KTT. I think I kept it because it was from someone of the past, and to think that we met again in my present state at that time, it was beyond belief.

There were also other things that I kept; the panda paper folding which I got from an anonymous who wished me to be strong and also enclosed an amount of RM600 in an envelope to help me get through my financial crisis moments (soon after my dad-disowning-me-episode and me-being-not-in-sponsorship-list-episode) so yeah, it really got to me and I still kept the panda thing after all these years. There were also letters dating back from KTT years, cards, receipts, my first date with my husband receipts, bus tickets, flight tickets etc.

I appreciate things, not for their monetary values, but for the sentiments held within. I appreciate words, experiences, which I hoarded in my mind and my heart. I tend to forget people’s names, but not those who made their way to my heart in their own special ways, which is quite a problem at times because it also meant I never forget bad things that happened too so it will take me quite some time to forgive people or to unlearn to have negative feelings for certain people.

So I guess I am a person of the heart and I put my heart into lots of things, especially when I talked about my feelings of Islam to people because to get to the heart, I believe one must also share their experience and convey their thoughts from the heart.

The other day I was listening to IKIM.fm and there’s this one slot for new Muslims to share their experiences and there I was, thinking of how frequent this slot is and yet, people don’t actually listen to it for them to appreciate Islam more. They would go ‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.’, ‘This girl is so strong.’, ‘That’s really sad.’ but as soon as it’s over, they would go back to their ways.

To be honest, when I shared things, I hoped for people to learn from it and I hoped that it would actually help them gain strength to change towards the better. I guess the problem is when people treat our stories as another drama on the tele that manipulates their feelings and that’s it.

It’s not fictitious; it is real. At least for us.

We lived the stories, and so does the people of the past mentioned in the Holy Qur’an.

They WERE real, so are we, but of course, the matter of hidayah/guidance is not for us to see and know.

Perhaps, there are some genuinely moved by the sharing; we never knew, so that is why, despite the small amount of people who actually wanted to listen/read to my kind of sharing, I still do it because I hoped that I can give the best I can to promote Islam to everyone who are willing to listen/read.

May Allah accept our efforts. InshaAllah.

Salam jumu'ah everyone. Peace out.

ps: Oh and yeah, pray that I don't embarrass myself this afternoon. I have a 200 meters individual track event at 4.30 p.m. I hope I don't trip on my face or lose badly. I'm freaking out. Oh God.