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For those having a bad day

As I write this, I am also having a bad day myself. It was so bad that I fell into depression.The next thing that you're going to ask is,

"Why? What happened?"

I wish I can answer that. 

That's the thing with depression; you never know when it will hit you. It sneaks up on you, and when you realized, it's already too late.

I have never admitted this but today I am going to face it straight on. 

For those who are in the medical field, I have bipolar disorder type II, and for my laymen readers, I have a mood disorder. You can say that what I have is a mental illness but, let me stop you there; I am definitely NOT crazy. 

This is the stigma that I have been trying to avoid. Mental illnesses are almost always associated with psychosis. Psychosis is when you have delusions or hallucinations that caused you to behave differently than the normal person would,

So what I have is actually more to what you call as an 'unstable mood'. 

For mood disorders, we have two main components; anxiety and depression. In other words, extremely happy and extremely sad. And I have both, but more on the depressed part. 

Now that I got that over and done with, let's move on to the point of this post today. 


Today, I feel like hell. I don't feel like getting up, and I just lay there on my bed, closing my eyes, in hope that I might be able to shut my feelings so that I can do my job. But I can't. Depression 1, me 0. 

I wish I can turn off my feelings as easy as turning off the lights, but that is why I am taking medications for it, to help balance the neurotransmitters in my brain responsible for controlling my emotions. 

Final year have been the death of me. I have never had to change medications before but this year alone, I have changed meds twice, and the current regime that I am on, I am now at my maximum dosage. Yeap, final year of dentistry is that frikkin hard for me. Having to juggle my studies with having a baby, it is hard. But definitely not impossible. 

Anyway, every day I try to think of a mantra that I can use to lift my spirits up, and today it is:


Yes, every day comes to an end. Bad days included. 


Getting yelled at for screwing up? 

No worries, this will come to an end eventually. 

Being called stupid and lazy? 

Repeat mantra. 


I find this mantra beneficial as it helps me go through the difficult phase of my life day by day. Some may be a monthly or a weekly person, but I am definitely a daily person. I plan only for today, and not the next day, not even for the whole week. I survive this way and I feel trying to keep myself mindful of the present helps me overcome my illness at times. 

Have you ever heard of what they said about anxiety and depression? 

If you think about the past, it will make you depressed. 

If you think about the future, it will make you anxious. 

I don't know if this will be helpful, but for those having a bad day, remember; everything comes to an end. 

After all, did Allah not say?


فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

Verily, with hardship, there will be ease. 


***

By the way, thank you for the warm welcome, and yeap, I am so glad to be back. Happy Ramadhan kareem, may Allah aid us in our journey to become better muslims every day. InshaAllah. 

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Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 13, 2016 at 5:42 AM

    Alhamdulillah you are back. Been missing your writing lots

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJune 13, 2016 at 12:07 PM

    same here akak T-T ~ thanks.. at least i'm not alone tho (^_^)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sarah ZulkifliJune 20, 2016 at 1:04 AM

    Im glad you're back rocking hijab.

    Been loving your writing and ive already read your books :)

    This kind of depressionn, i do feel it tho :'(

    ReplyDelete

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