Chosen For A Reason

Home sweet home...hmm

When things do not go the way you want it to, do not snap but instead, istighfar. It is a test for us, in order for us to recheck the level of our iman. Again, do not be saddened by the fact that things do not go your way, for it has been written, long before our existence.

Meaning of Al-Hadid: 22-23 ;

No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence: That is truly easy for Allah.

In order that ye may not despair over matters that pass you by, nor exult over favours bestowed upon you. For Allah loveth not any vainglorious boaster

I was walking back to my house (rental) when I suddenly received a call from my mum. After a while,  I asked her about something I longed to ask her before.

“..um, mummy, did daddy ever ask about me?”

She sighed. “Never.”

Ouch.

“But I did ask him about you before..…”

“What did you say?”

“I asked him, why hasn’t he sent any money to you, and he said, I’m not going to bother taking care of that kind of daughter.”

“So, I asked him again, is there a problem? He kept silent and that is why I called you that day.” She was referring to the day she called me asking about what happened between me and dad, that’s when I told her that I’ve confessed to my dad about my reversion.

I was speechless.

My mum continued talking.

“He said that you said you are an adult now, and you don’t need taking care of.”

“I did not say that to him.”

“I have no clue of your conversation.”

“I told him that I was adult enough to make decisions like reverting. That is all. I even explained that even after I become a Muslim, the ties between us will not perish. I told him clearly that I will not forget about our family.”

“Well, it seems that he only saw that you don’t want him to take care of you anymore. He still wants to take care of you, that’s why he’s mad.”

“He was the one who chose to not to send money to me despite knowing that I don’t have any source of money at the moment, due to unsettled business with JPA. He was the one who cut the ties, not me.”

 My voice started to crack.

“I even thought of going back home for the coming 3 month holiday….”

“I think, it’s best that you don’t go back for a while…”

“I think, you shouldn’t go back at all this year….”

Those words, I feel as if someone was stabbing right through my heart.

“L(my 11 year old brother) keeps on asking, when will sister be back? How should I answer him? How could I answer him?” My mum’s voice started to waver.

If my mum were right in front of me,  both of us would have cried in each other's arms.

“I think it’s best for you to just stay. I just can’t take it, if something happened if you go back…” My mum started to cry and I was trying to be brave enough for her, and for myself.

I inhaled deeply and I agreed to her request. I won’t make my mum cry again. My decision has made my mum cried a lot and I know, it is hard for her to cry. She was trapped in the conflict between my dad and I, and she wouldn’t choose which side she wants to be on because she just loved both of us equally.

After that phone call, I cried. I saw people watching me with a puzzled look on their face as they saw me walking pass their houses, crying with tears flowing like water flowing out of  a broken water tap but i couldn't care less because my heart was aching and throbbing, and i just need to let it out. As i walked home, I silently hope that my father’s heart will be tamed, and I hope that my parents will become Muslims one day. And I could only hope. Because that’s my utmost power and nothing is more powerful than ALLAH’s will.

I just have to believe that one day, they will also join me in my journey, and I know there’s a reason why ALLAH has chosen me to become a Muslim amongst my family members in the first place.

I know that there’s a reason why ALLAH has eased my journey in obtaining tarbiyyah and knowledge about Islam and eased my life so that I can live as a proper Muslim here.

I know there must be a reason why I was chosen to get involved in activities like giving talks and attending comparative religion classes.

And I know, there must be reason of the longevity of my sustenance.

Because I believe I was chosen to perform da3wah to my family, because I was chosen to enlighten people by my journey, because I was chosen amongst the non-believers who have not yet received this kind of chances.

I believe that, ALLAH knows that I could bear with all His tests, and that’s why I was given all this chances, so that I can help my family and save them from the hellfire.

ALLAH knows.

ALLAH knows.

ALLAH knows.

Saying those words repetitively eased my feelings and I went back to focusing on my mission.

To prove that Islam is not just a decision.

It is a responsibility.

Not just mine, but ours.

The best way to attain perfection for our Islam? Through attitude or akhlaq that you portray.

Sacrifice is a must, it is not an option.

How can someone just gave up everything, for the sake of Islam?

How can someone gave up wealth for the sake of Islam?

How can someone gave up their loved ones for the sake of Islam?

Those questions might come into the minds of those who do not understand.

They don’t understand what we saw in Islam that made us want to revert and gave up everything just for the sake of religion.

They never can, and they never will, until they see it themselves.

You don’t need to become a revert to understand and appreciate the joy of being a Muslim. You just have to believe, and that is all that matters.

Remember, worry ends when faith begins.

If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust. [3:160]

ALLAHU’ALAM.

Just as a reminder:  I do not write to whine about my life, my sadness or to obtain sympathy. My point of writing down my journey is so that, you would appreciate not having to go through all these, be thankful to ALLAH for the Islam He has given to you, and when my writings inspired people to change, that is when i feel my effort to write is worth it. But, if you think you do not gain anything from what i have written, kindly inform me, so that i can stop writing, because what is the point of me telling you all this stuff, if it is pointless and just a blog for people to go and waste their time online? And, if possible, if it is time to perform your prayer, fulfill your responsibility as a Muslim first, as i do not want this blog to be held responsible as a reason for you to delay your prayer. Sorry if my words are kind of harsh and if there is another way of saying it without hurting other people's feelings, i would have used that method. Please do not take account of my way of saying it but pay attention to the message within. Syukran jazakamullahu khaira wa assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh.