Well, honestly, I might not be the best person to talk about this, I mean, it has only been 1 and a half year but inshaAllah I will try my best to give you some insights on what to do and what not to do .
I assume everyone here wants to get married, the difference is whether you want it early or much later in life. I have nothing against those who decide to marry later, I mean, that's totally up to you but me, personally, the reason why I wanted to get married early was because I feel like settling down. There will be one point in life, no matter at what age you felt it, that you feel that you are bored being single and what's left to do is get married. So first up is,
1. Get married when you're ready
Don't get married just because everyone else is. Marriage is not about who's next and being married is not a big deal at all. Get your intentions straight and you will hear this coming from me; there is nothing to be ashamed of for getting married to make your relationship with the other person halaal. Gosh, people and their judgmental minds. Who are you to say that their intention is wrong? After Allah has stated in the Qur'an(God, I forgot the exact verse) that those who love each other should get married to make the relationship halaal.
2. Say sorry
At one point, you will enter your first argument with your spouse. When this happens, be mad, cry, there is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions, appropriately that is, but never let the cold war go on for too long, not more than an hour. Someone will have to stop it, and it will have to be from one of you, despite whoever is in the wrong. This will ensure your bond with your spouse to get stronger inshaAllah.
But what if you're really mad at him/her?
One thing that I always do is, (I say always because I am a woman so technically I have more raging emotions than my husband) think of the good things that my husband always did to me and remember the reason I am married to him in the first place. This really helps, seriously.
But oh, sometimes I don't even get to do this because my husband sometimes decided to be funny and I ended up laughing. It's not like you can go back to being angry afterwards which makes me get mad at him more. Lol.
3. Long distance
So if you didn't know it yet, I have been in a long distance relationship with my husband since a week after our solemnization. Is it hard?
Yes, and I cried buckets during the first few months, but you just get stronger you know?
What we also did was talk any time we can, and we still do that even when it has been a year and a half now. You can be newly weds for as long as you want; there are no limits. :)
The first thing I do in the morning before I went to class is talk to my husband which is also the last thing that I do before I went to sleep.
And also, make time to meet up, at least ONCE a month. This is our setting for now since both of us are busy, me being in my final pre-clinical year and him being in his final year as a medical student.
4. Being married as a student
To be honest, there is absolutely no problem at all. Trust me, I know.
I wonder if I missed out on anything else. So far that's it I guess, unless you have further queries.
I assume everyone here wants to get married, the difference is whether you want it early or much later in life. I have nothing against those who decide to marry later, I mean, that's totally up to you but me, personally, the reason why I wanted to get married early was because I feel like settling down. There will be one point in life, no matter at what age you felt it, that you feel that you are bored being single and what's left to do is get married. So first up is,
1. Get married when you're ready
Don't get married just because everyone else is. Marriage is not about who's next and being married is not a big deal at all. Get your intentions straight and you will hear this coming from me; there is nothing to be ashamed of for getting married to make your relationship with the other person halaal. Gosh, people and their judgmental minds. Who are you to say that their intention is wrong? After Allah has stated in the Qur'an(God, I forgot the exact verse) that those who love each other should get married to make the relationship halaal.
2. Say sorry
At one point, you will enter your first argument with your spouse. When this happens, be mad, cry, there is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions, appropriately that is, but never let the cold war go on for too long, not more than an hour. Someone will have to stop it, and it will have to be from one of you, despite whoever is in the wrong. This will ensure your bond with your spouse to get stronger inshaAllah.
But what if you're really mad at him/her?
One thing that I always do is, (I say always because I am a woman so technically I have more raging emotions than my husband) think of the good things that my husband always did to me and remember the reason I am married to him in the first place. This really helps, seriously.
But oh, sometimes I don't even get to do this because my husband sometimes decided to be funny and I ended up laughing. It's not like you can go back to being angry afterwards which makes me get mad at him more. Lol.
3. Long distance
So if you didn't know it yet, I have been in a long distance relationship with my husband since a week after our solemnization. Is it hard?
Yes, and I cried buckets during the first few months, but you just get stronger you know?
What we also did was talk any time we can, and we still do that even when it has been a year and a half now. You can be newly weds for as long as you want; there are no limits. :)
The first thing I do in the morning before I went to class is talk to my husband which is also the last thing that I do before I went to sleep.
And also, make time to meet up, at least ONCE a month. This is our setting for now since both of us are busy, me being in my final pre-clinical year and him being in his final year as a medical student.
4. Being married as a student
To be honest, there is absolutely no problem at all. Trust me, I know.
I wonder if I missed out on anything else. So far that's it I guess, unless you have further queries.
financial?
ReplyDeleteFinancial before or after wedding?
DeleteIf before, for my wedding, I have my solemnization and reception a week apart.
My mahr is RM250 while my 'wang hantaran'/dowry(is it?) RM3000. My nikah is really simple, but for my reception we spent RM6000(depending what you want to spend on). This RM6000 is inclusive of my wedding gown and my husband's attire(complete set), make up, catering, 'pelamin'(i forgot the name in English) and DJ.
The reception and nikah budget is totally up to you, and we got married using our OWN money, because when it comes to getting married while studying and at an early age(I was 21, my husband 22), I feel that it is inappropriate to use our parents' money to settle for a very grown-up decision. But it's our opinion. If your parents agree to sponsor for your wedding, then alhamdulillah, good for you. :)
We didn't do business or anything. We just use our savings.
***
For after the wedding, we agreed for my nafkah, a certain amount of money that my husband can give. We don't spend much on each other since both of us are living apart so yeah, I can't comment much on that. Just a cliche tip, only spend on the needs, and not on the wants. Husbands, take note, your wife can be very persuasive at times. I know, I'm one of those kind of wives. :P
I would like to know your opinion of marriage for students who are continents apart? Do you think its plausible?
ReplyDeleteI've seen many of my friends getting married while studying abroad, continents apart, and some of them are continents and continents apart (e.g. UK and Malaysia) but they still can keep a healthy relationship. Of course, they can only meet up once in every three months, due to the high cost travel expenses but still, anything is possible, as long as you are willing to make it work. :)
DeleteBut really, I would suggest you to prepare yourself mentally if you are to be involved in such relationship because it will be very difficult to bear with at times. You really need a close relationship with Allah to strengthen yourself. :)
awesome :)
ReplyDeletei cant find the like button for these replies in the comment.
ReplyDelete+1!
Lol. It's because i don't have it. I don"t know how. :)
DeleteSubhanallah, its totally an amazing entry sis. Keep it up. If possible, can i know how the best approach if we feel that the "jodoh" dah sampai?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean eh? Maksudnya, macam mana nak approach orang ke macam mana?
DeleteWell, what I did was decide with my not-yet-husband-back-then when to meet up with his folks and of course, the folks need to agree as well. Just approach them and show that you're not doing it without thinking about the future. Show your determination and keep your stand. :)
Deletesubhanallah ukhti
ReplyDeleteyour short entry is very interesting.
despite the fact that both of you are still studying plus both are separated by the vast oceans, why did you made the decision to get married then and not after the studies?
don't get me wrong ukhti but for me, timing is a very big deal in marriage.
there must be certain things both of you took into consideration before making the decision.
thanks!
ps: forget the question if it's too personal ukhti (:
pps: and i think our ukht nur munirah was asking about how to approach the future in-laws... maybe :p
- a person who's confused with the timing thing haha
To be honest, we think that there is no such thing as a 'right' time and we even decided that if we don't get married soon, we'll just go our own ways because being in a non-halaal relationship for another 2 years? I don't think so.
DeleteWe just think that we're ready and that's it. Really.
Mashaa Allah, a great sharing sis.. it's nice to hear stories and opinions from married persons regarding vmarriage issues, because sometimes people just follow what the society says and never have a serious thought on it.
ReplyDeleteJust recently, i made a simple survey on what teenagers said about marriage, and it can be concluded that most teenagers put study/scholarship and financial problems as the main obstacles for them to get married. I guess they are thinking that being married while still studying can somehow affect the focus to study. Any comment?
Btw if u want to read the result of the survey, u can download it from here:
http://www.4shared.com/office/f1JLNoLLce/The_Introvert_Persona_-_Curiou.html
If you want me to be honest, I think if you make study/scholarship & financial problems as the main obstacles, I don't really think that that is the case. For me, if you really want to get married enough, you will try your best to make it happen, no matter what.
DeleteSomehow I think I can focus better after being married because well, I have no more dramas in my life regarding hopeless and endless crushes that won't get anywhere which can be very distracting. And also I don't have to think about my heart matters anymore. It's really relieving and comforting, even though we're miles apart.