Why is it so hard to change?

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

***

One of the question that I always get from my blog readers is this,

"How do you istiqamah sis?"

Yesterday I was asked again about that and well, I have to say it was a pretty tough road; this road we call istiqamah. But anyway, this question always got me thinking and of course, I always answered the same thing; well, all strength comes from Allah and I pray that He keeps me steadfast and that's it. That pretty summed up the whole story.

Perhaps, it does seem that I am doing so well in being steadfast but that's where they are wrong. I am human too and of course, there are times that I may, how do I put this delicately, deviate a wee bit from the straight path.

I have my down' time too and when I'm down, I always fell rock bottom, but alhamdulillah so far it hasn't deterred me from performing what is fardh to us Muslims e.g. salah, covering up etc.

And sometimes, I get so upset with myself because when I compared myself to other people, especially the akhawats, I wonder to myself why is it so darn difficult too be like that e.g. consistently recite the Quran/basically all the sunnah ibadahs. I wonder to myself, why is it so hard for me to leave certain things e.g. listening to useless music, watching Youtube for meaningless comedy, and to make it worse, I was really annoyed by this because I am now wearing the 'tudung bulat'* since two years back.

*tudung bulat is like what sis Fatimah Syarha wore. I specifically mentioned her name since she is the only well known hijabi that I know that wore the same type of hijab as I do. I need to explain this because apparently men do not know when we describe types of 'tudung' to them. Even my husband thought that 'tudung bulat' is 'tudung awning'. Men *scoffs*. =_=

Anyway, I guess that problem lies with myself and I think one of the main problem to why it is so easy to feel inferior with ourselves is because of the word 'compare'. And why, oh why, are we so compelled to compare ourselves with others?

Allah won't say in the Hereafter,

"That si fulan is wayyy better than you. You are sooo going to Hell man."

Allah will judge us individually, and we will be hisab-ed  according to our deeds and what wrongdoings we do to others. That's it. Why are we doing ourselves a headache by judging ourselves in bulk? Why can't we just be content that there are certain things that you can't do in a short period of time like others?

Maybe this person takes a shorter period to change into what you think as the ideal Muslim. And perhaps it does not occur to us that maybe, taking a long time to change is our own jihad for our own good. Have we ever thought of it that way?

Like me for instance,(I keep on using myself as an example because it's way easier for myself to imagine rather than making up a story) it may have been easy for me to wear the 'tudung bulat' right away but like I mentioned previously, it was sooooo hard for me to let go of watching animes and all those other stuffs. And for some people, perhaps covering their aurah is the boulder in their life. So yeah, long story short, you can't really compare yourself to others, but that does not give you the free pass to just neglect your duties. Start with what is decreed 'fardhu' to us and work your way up from that. InshaAllah, where there's a will, there's a way.

And the second determent from our change towards the better is that we constantly think that we just can't change. 

I understand that some are born into families that don't emphasize on the Deen, and well, I don't either, but I guess it was easier because I am away from home but I am not exactly in a supportive environment either. I looked up and searched for support, and sometimes, I don't get what I expected so I have to do it on my own. If you don't start, then when will that be? The clock's ticking and we know for certain that our life can be taken at any moment and I am not sure either if my life will last until 60 or so. Perhaps I will die young and we won't know until that happened.

So, anyway, it is also a matter of whether we want to, or not. If you really want it, you'll get it. After all, la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah, there is no strength except with Allah.

Ask from Him, and you'll get it, alright.

You'll get it.

Surah Fussilat, 41 : 30,

Indeed, those who have said, "Our Lord is Allah " and then remained on a right course (istiqamah) -  the angels will descend upon them, [saying],

"Do not fear and do not grieve but receive good tidings of Paradise, which you were promised."

Salam alaykum and peace out.

"Sometimes we can't just say "Allah has a better plan for us." 

We have to believe He does."