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The Porcupine

I've promised myself that I would write after I posted my Maal Hijrah talk video on Facebook and here I am, after so long. 

So, hi.

These past few days I have understood more about myself than I could ever do in a million years. A conversation with a dear friend helped me realize that I have a Porcupine personality. 

Porcupine Personality
These people just seem to have a chip on their shoulder. They walk into every situation expecting to be offended. They're determined to find fault with anything and everything going on around them. No matter what the situation, they're quick to personalize any act or statement as offensive to their sensibilities. They're prickly. Trying to get close to them is like trying to hug a porcupine. As a result, people engage them, if at all, at arm's length. The world recognizes that interacting with the porcupine is a lose-lose situation. Porcupines typically complain about how cold people are around them; they're baffled by other people's standoffishness. Porcupines don't seem to understand that they act in that way, and that people are simply responding in kind.


I teared up reading the show excerpt for this personality discussed. All the time I was thinking, "Oh my God, that's just like me...." 

All my entire life, I have always been defensive. And the explanations for the Porcupine personality cannot be more accurate.

I am still trying to manage myself in order to not prick anyone else, especially the one I love. I don't know why, but I just can't help it. It's depressing to have this kind of personality and really, I have warded off a few readers due to my tendency to make everything personal. 

This is me, and for the first time, I am lowering my defense. I'm going to be honest, I won't raise my shield anymore.

I am sorry. I really am. I never knew what was wrong with me but my friend told me it must has something to do with my past and I think so too. Maybe.

I'll be okay. I know I will. 
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Speak good, or remain silent. (Bukhari & Muslim)

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