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Back In USM

Have you ever wondered for a second, that maybe, one out of hundreds of people that you see, be it in the LRT, or anywhere, perhaps, he or she is a revert?

While you were busy thinking, 'pergh, chinese girl ni pakai bukan main lagi.', perhaps, she is an undercover revert?

*i look chinese, but i'm not

Entah, tiba2 je terfikir benda ni. Everytime i go back home, i will face the same dilemma but then again, i keep on thinking, takpe, ALLAH tahu.

I really hoped that nobody saw me in that situation(hijabless).

It's both embarrassing and also a sign of secrecy. Sometimes i feel like screaming when i'm in that situation.

Sometimes i feel like a double agent or something that falls in that criteria.

Sometimes i feel like a hypocrite.

Sometimes...

........................

I think this is just the syaitan laknatullah trying to mess with my mind. >_<

By the way, now that i'm back in USM, (yay) i can continue my normal life, with hijab on and all.

Until now, i'm still in progress of injecting small doses of Islam into my mum's head, sloooowwwlllyy. Something like, brainwashing......giving subliminal messages....ok, this is starting to sound creepy.


Anyway, just for your information, the previous two posts were written back when i was at home. Due to absence of internet connection, because a sand truck accidentally crashed into the telephone cable pole directly in front of my house(approximately a day before i came home). Macam tau2 je kita ni nak post entry baru.

Which explains why i haven't written since the past few daysss.

Back to the question of my mum, hm, i guess she's not taking it well. She's pretending as if i never mentioned about me being a Muslim. I never get to confront her because i am speechless and dumbfounded.

The result? Utter frustration.

I don't know. I guess i have to wait for my mum to cool down.

I think maybe, just maybe, that i have celebrated the true aidilfitri the other day.

Idulfitri kan perayaan kerana kembali ke fitrah?

I guess i shouldn't have been sad after all.

*smile*



p/s: Post in BM kalau berada dlm mood melankolik(sedih-sedih). Just so you know. In case you're wondering why sometimes i can be so colourful and all that but sometimes(rarely), i wrote as if i just got out of A. Samad Said's training camp. Language can describe my feeling. Haha

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Comments

  1. a.j.September 17, 2010 at 1:07 AM

    so this is whats bothering you past few days.

    "If Allah is your helper then nothing can overcome you and if HE withdraw HIS help from you, who is there who can help you after HIM? In ALLAH let believers put their trust" (3:160)

    seek help. and have faith.

    ReplyDelete

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