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I have issues. I know.

My dad called me last night. We had a long chat. 

It was...enlightening. At least, for me.

The excitement in his voice sent me choking on my own tears with the thought of how much I missed him, and how much I missed being his daughter. Just his daughter. Not a wife, not a dental student, not a revert.

His voice gave way to lots of things, and one of them is how much he missed me, his first born, his only girl.

My mind sent me travelling back into memory lane, during my halcyon days, when I was free of worry and those days when the only one who does the worrying was him.

I remembered when a boy threw a book at me in kindergarten and he immediately stopped sending me there.

I remembered my first arithmetic lesson when he taught me because I wanted to learn at the age of 4.

I remembered my usual nutrition lesson when he told me what to eat and why I should eat prawns because it has iodine even though I didn't even know how to spell it yet at that time.

I remembered being his pride and joy.

I still remember every single thing and it hurts me so badly I am drowning in my own fears. Fear of disapproval, fear that he won't love me anymore, fear of losing him.

He has so much hope in me, in us all. 

My choice is no longer a barrier in between.

It is now what that has made us grow closer and I wish to keep that forever.

I have his hope to fulfil because I owe him. I owe him a lot because he's my dad, and he will always be the best dad I have ever had.


"Rabbighfir lii wa liwaalidayya wa lilmu"miniina yauma yaquumul'hisaab, Rabbirhamhumaa kamaa rabbayaanii shaghiiraa."


O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young.
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Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 24, 2013 at 5:53 PM

    this is beyond awesome. it touches deep down my heart. im really happy to read this. alhamdulillah ^_^ u'll always get the support from me. may Allah ease everything. all the best!
    -fan-

    ReplyDelete
  2. Khairun September 27, 2013 at 2:16 PM

    assalamualaikum sister. alhamdulillah happy to be reading this. may Allah bless ur daddy.
    when u got children later make sure u give them ur unconditional love. dont let them feel the pain u may hv feel.
    smoga dpmudahkan urusan belajar dan rumahtangga, smoga murah rezeki. amin.

    ReplyDelete

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