Fear of the future

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

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Note: This a rather lengthy post.

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Being able to advance to the second year of dentistry is pretty much a big deal to me. Why? Well, perhaps it was due to my history since I left KTT. You can read all about it here.

It was amazing I guess, to finally be out of this rut I have been in for so long. So, no more feeling like a loser, inshaAllah. I can finally move on, and go to the 'other side'. Oh great I am describing myself like a ghost stuck in between two worlds (blame Ghost Whisperer for that), but yeah, that's pretty much how I feel most of the time.

People of my age, (je suis 22 ans) in my uni will be entering 4th year soon and I am just entering my 2nd, but you know what? It doesn't matter. I guess some people are meant for a longer journey, and I personally think that if you're lucky in certain parts, it's only natural for you to be lacking in other aspects of your life, because in reality, nobody's perfect. No one.

But in the end, it's not about luck really. We Muslims don't believe in luck. We believe in fate, the qada' and qadar, which is the 6th pillar of imaan, belief in the predestination by Allah of all things, both the (seemingly) good and the (seemingly) bad.

Notice that the word 'seemingly' is present right before the good and the bad. This is because, at times, we feel so pained by our life journey and we can't help but ask, "Why God, WHY???" and we feel like we are at the end of the road, lost and confused. But in a few years time, those things that happened to you feel so far behind and you finally understood that it's not really a big deal anyway.

I really don't have any other examples, because really, I think my life itself represents almost everything that I believed in. To be at this point, to be able to keep standing after having fallen on my knees over and over again: the truth is, it is really a hard thing to do.

I'm not trying to imply anything but, looking back at my history, since the day I decided to become a Muslim, let's just say : things happen. A lot of things. And life keep on throwing rocks at me, the rocks getting bigger each time.

Even as I speak, I am still not in speaking terms with my dad. But well, another amazing quality of a human; we adapt. See how great Allah is?

We are, by default, a creature of adaptation. We can adapt to everything. (except breathing underwater no matter how long you stayed under. I know. I've tried. Halcyon days. Sigh.)

So, my point here is, no matter how hard life is at times, at some point, you'll be able to get over it. Trust me, I know. :)

Which is why people get weird-ed out when they see me laughing while talking about how it is with my life at current. Because life is in this dunya is a joke anyway. Nothing more than a tool to reach Allah, which is our supposedly main goal of living. To seek comfort in the Akhirah, it is not free. It comes with a price and yeah, sometimes the price that we have to pay brings us down to our knees, feeling fallen and defeated.

I find it easier to handle, really, when I joked about it. I think it's pretty much how my adaptation mechanism works. That way, it feels easier to face all those hardships. Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, coming back to my advancing to the second year issue, truth is, I was quite worried but then like what I said in my post here, if this is the way for me, then show me Ya Allah.

Really. Not passing is not the end of the world. The end of the world is when you stop receiving guidance from Him, and that's really, really way scarier than just failing a paper.

People who stopped receiving guidance from Him, now, you don't wanna be in this group. I'm telling you, if you wanna screw your life so bad, then go ahead, go as far away as you want from His deen.Aren't there examples of what happened those who strayed in the Quran? Those are not merely to be taken as stories. Those things, really happened, but wayyyyy back. It is in the Quran because after all, the Holy Quran is the book of guidance. So, take heed and stay cautious.

Putting that aside, alhamdulillah, thumma alhamdulillah, for being able to pass, and second, for His never ending guidance. Really, you have no idea how many tears I have shed to be able to not freak out on this thing. And the best remedy of all? His 'love notes', of course. :)

Verse 154, surah 'Ali Imran:

Then after distress, He sent down upon you security [in the form of] drowsiness, overcoming a faction of you, while another faction worried about themselves, thinking of Allah other than the truth - the thought of ignorance, saying, "Is there anything for us [to have done] in this matter?" Say, "Indeed, the matter belongs completely to Allah ." They conceal within themselves what they will not reveal to you. They say, "If there was anything we could have done in the matter, some of us would not have been killed right here." Say, "Even if you had been inside your houses, those decreed to be killed would have come out to their death beds." [It was] so that Allah might test what is in your breasts and purify what is in your hearts. And Allah is Knowing of that within the breasts.

This particular ayah comforted me, because although this ayah was revealed during the War of Uhud, it is stil applicable to our daily lives.

You see, there are at times, we feel so uncertain about the future. I'll be talking academic-wise here, because well, I am still a student. Duhhh Ms Obvious. -_-"

So yeah, I am really scared for my result the other day because I feel like I have no chance at all of passing. This is due to the fact that there are certain things that was really bugging me about the papers that I sat for.

For example, I mispelled something which totally changed the meaning of the whole structure.

E.g. interpectoral -> intrapectoral.

I don't wanna stuff you with all the anatomy jargon here so let's just say, in short, I wrote it right the first time. But I doubted it so I cancelled it off and replaced it with the wrong one. Big mistake.

So then, for my next paper, I made sure that I won't make the same mistake, so this time round, there's a few questions in which I doubted my answers but I didn't change 'em, because well, I was still bothered by that previous paper. Turned out, those which I doubted, turns out to be the wrong answers. Pretty bummed. Really.

So, when I came to this ayah and this ayah is actually talking about the people back in the days of Rasulullah s.a.w, (say 'sallallahu 'alaihi wassalam'), who were worried that they may be killed while fighting during the war. See what Allah says next,

"...."Even if you had been inside your houses, those decreed to be killed would have come out to their death beds." [It was] so that Allah might test what is in your breasts and purify what is in your hearts. And Allah is Knowing of that within the breasts."

Long story short, all this drama and despair, they are merely tests. Keep calm and carry on. If Allah wills it to happen, then so it will.



Wallahua'lam.

Salam alayk and peace owt~


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Special note to L.I:

I apologize for not writing about dentistry as you have requested. Truth is, I don't really know what to write, because I myself were just done with my first year, and are about to enter my second year this Sunday. I'm really sorry. I really am.

But here's what I think about the course so far. If you are passionate about the course, you'll be able to make it through, easy peasy. And oh yeah, dentistry is not all about teeth.  Yes, people, it's NOT all about the teeth.

And uh, it's kinda tough. So, if you are considering dentistry as your choice, (I'm assuming you are) you have to prepare yourself mentally. It's like taking medical studies, just a bit different.

That's all I can say.

See how not specific I am? This is why I asked you what do you really want to know. Huhu.

Anyways, if you wanna ask me personally, you may send me an email or a message here. And if you do send me an email, do inform me alright? Because I rarely check my email unless I need to. Thanks! And all the best for your future endeavors.

-TRH-

"Sometimes we can't just say "Allah has a better plan for us." 

We have to believe He does."