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The Grand Plan

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

***

Over the phone, my mum told me she plans to come to KL some time around December. It has been almost like a ritual. Me calling my mum, about 3-5 times a week and some time soon she'll be planning to come here and see me. It has been 3 times since the first time she came after I confessed about my reversion. Once was during Raya 2011 and the second was some time in April 2012 when she came to meet my in laws to discuss about my wedding, and the third time was in on the 1st September 2012 during my wedding.

It was all great memories, but usually it just involves me, her and my younger bro aged 19 who is currently studying in INTI. Here, you can check his blog out.

But this time, my mum planned to bring my two OTHER younger brothers, who I last saw 2 years ago...

My 12 y/o and 5 y/o brothers.

Now, when I confessed to my dad about my reversion, it never occurred to me that I won't be seeing them for that long a time. I missed them so much day by day and it made it so hard to let go of certain emotions. I love my brothers so much and I have been technically the one who raised them along with my parents.

It would be a lie if I tell you I don't miss them because I so freaking do.




I could probably kid myself if I try hard enough to pretend that I don't mind not going back, but I do. I couldn't help what I feel when I was reminded of my family and sometimes I put on a poker face so at least I can look normal and neutral, as if I have no woes at all. Albeit all that, I sometimes do wish I can feel neutral but it is hard when it's getting to you whenever you see the people around you who apparently complained on not being able to go back home when I don't even have the choice to because I technically was kicked out of my so-called home when I choose Islam. It is hard to sacrifice but I grew stronger by day and I won't even be bothered by things like getting lost while travelling/ having to wait for hours for someone because I have faced greater worries than that.

And have you heard the saying, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'? Indeed, it's true.

I hoped my mum could realize this plan. I have been itching to meet my brothers anyway. I'm not growing any younger and I hope it's not too late to meet them at this age. I hope they remember me...wow, that sounded kind of sad. But no, I'm serious. 2 years in kid world is like a lifetime. My youngest bro wasn't even potty trained the last time I met him, so yeah, I really do hope they remember me because it would be painful to be forgotten by people that you love.

And perhaps, one day, I could finally meet my dad. When the time comes inshaAllah.




"Sometimes we can't just say "Allah has a better plan for us." 
We have to believe He does."
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Comments

  1. nana julyNovember 23, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    salam alaik kak farah.
    i can't imagine of being separated from family.
    i pray that soon u'll meet ur mom n brothers, n hope they'll remember u, and u can see ur dad.
    mcm dlm drama pulak kan...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Rocking HijabNovember 25, 2012 at 10:48 PM

      life kita mmg drama pun. and Allah is the director. Huhu

      Delete
  2. A.November 23, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    Awww...I will pray that you get to meet your brothers soon. Brothers are so annoyingly miss-able T.T

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Rocking HijabNovember 25, 2012 at 10:47 PM

    InshaAllah...:)

    ReplyDelete

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