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Cause imma believer!

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

Alhamdulillah I have been given an epiphany to write again despite a lot of clamming up that I have been doing recently. I am not so sure of why I have been this way. It almost seems that I have lost the will to write again but then again, it's not like I have been writing a good deal of beneficial things but I do hope, maybe, at least one person would have benefited from my writings which entirely consists of my thoughts transferred onto this unworthy blog.

Bi iznillah, I do hope that I can continue to write from heart, ideally consistently that is.

I was thinking earlier of writing about the recent Twins of Faith event but then again, I believe that my words won't do justice to the event. Nothing I say could have come to par with the awesomeness of the event and I can vouch for this, you should go for the next TOF for it is an event not to be missed. Wallahi, I gained a lot of insights from this event, and a few tears were also shed by remembrance of Him, which I believe not many of us can experience in the cruel harsh reality of this current world we live in.

Alhamdulillah.

I even think that RM100 is not enough. I think we should have paid more, considering the fact that most of the speakers and entertainers came all the way from the opposite side of the globe, literally. A lot can be learned, and most of the things that the Sheikhs talked about was really those things that made you want to come home to Allah, back to Him and I think the event definitely fulfilled it's mission.

I remembered one of the Sheikhs(I apologize for my failure of recalling the exact name of the Sheikh. Sigh) told us that he hoped that each and every one of us would walk out the door of the plenary hall, a changed man. InshaAllah. But I do think that I have walked out that door a changed person, in lots of things. But of course, the outcome depends on the individual's intention I guess. If he/she had come and set in their hearts that they wanna gain something from the event, then bi iznillah, they will. But if their intention had been for shopping, then all they get is shopping. I say shopping because down at the lobby they have this bazaar which sells a lot of stuffs you can't buy anywhere else. I bought some books for myself, and I think I never get the chance to buy international Islamic books anywhere else. Or maybe I never tried to look for it in MPH or Kinokuniya.

Anyway, at that event, I also met a special someone and I feel blessed to have met her because she made me relive my past, and by my past I mean back when I was an undercover revert. Sounds like an espionage or something but then again, that is our reality.

I remember not wearing the hijab when I'm at home and not being able to perform the solah on time. I remember to have sneaked around in the middle of the night, crying for His mercy to let me keep being strong until I finally able to live as a Muslim freely. I also remember the guilt that I felt when I went to the church on Sundays, saying the Christian creed, albeit the fact that I bear the kalimah syahadah, buried deep in my heart. It was a painful journey, and not a journey people would be willing to take up even if they are paid to do it. But I guess this is where Allah tested us whether we truly believe in Him, putting the utmost trust in Him, that somehow, everything will be fine, despite the pain that grows in our hearts each day as we passed the time pretending that we are still a non-believer.

I believe I can quite understand the pain of Yassir, the son of Sumayyah, to have uttered that 'I do not believe!' though the heart cries 'Allah I believe You are my Lord!'.

May Allah forgive us, those who have had to pretend to be a non-believer in order to save ourselves from being denied of our faith. Ameen.


Salam alaik and peace out~



We must hurt in order to grow, fail in order to know, & lose in order to gain. Because some lessons in life, are best learnt through pain.

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