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Forever attached

Only a few things are really important.
Marie Dressler

I don't know what force has driven me to do this, of course everyone knows Allah is The One that moves all hearts, but yeah, somehow today, without the usual tremor, I texted my dad, just asking how he's doing and telling him that I'm okay.

I deleted the text that I have sent, because I'm used to anticipating the worst and also because I'm afraid I might get too hopeful that he would somehow reply to my text. 

A few minutes later, I received a reply from my dad, saying that he's fine and he's at a PIBG convention, as if nothing has ever happened in the past.

I felt nothing as I read it but somehow, I find myself imagining myself having the guts to call him to ask him whether it will be okay for me to finally go home. I stopped thinking when I realized tears started to well up in my eyes and pretended to brush the thought off. 

Sometimes I wonder why I am trying so hard to win the heart of the man that has never paid attention to any of my efforts in the past. I guess we kids are all suckers like that.

No matter how bad they have treated you in the past, you can never hate your parents, because their faces are the first to meet your eyes, and their affection is the first love that you received.

No one can hate the person who brought them up, biological parents or not. They have raised me up so of course, I would be obliged to repay them in some way.

I wanted them to love me as I am, as they did when I was born.

But that would be too much to ask, wouldn't it? 

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Comments

  1. NurhazelMarch 20, 2013 at 8:13 PM

    text him.. When my parents knw about my reversion, dad was very very piss off. he even told everyone in the village that he's not going to forgive me. but i took the courage and went back home. to my surprse, he acted like nothng happened and treated me just the way he used to. the person we called DAD is very unpredictable. their ego is high, but their love for us is everlasting. Trust me. Text him! alwaysss

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Rocking HijabMarch 20, 2013 at 9:56 PM

      thanks for the sharing sis. hope it will go that well for me too. :) it has been 2 years plus since I last went home.

      Delete
  2. UnknownMarch 20, 2013 at 8:30 PM

    heads up! moga Allah bukakan pintu hati parents awk! stay strong there :) cerita awk ngn parents awk quite similar dgn sy, awak lagi mencabar la tapi, so u inspired me somehow, hang on there!

    ReplyDelete
  3. dzuftMarch 20, 2013 at 10:50 PM

    farah dear.
    this is progress! Alhamdulillah. high five! :)
    people change. u are a walking example kan. u made the biggest change in ur life 3-4 yrs ago, and im sure it changed ur character as well, at least a bit.
    for all u know, maybe he's just waiting for u to make the move since ure the daughter. maybe he thinks uve forgotten him. maybe he truly does love u but just dunno how to show it. maybe his way of showing his love is through expecting nothing but the best from u hence the tendency to be harsh . maybe his way is wrong, but maybe he'll change. remember that umar alkhattab was an alcoholic and even wanted to KILL his newborn daughter before Islam. look how he changed! don't give up on ur dad, sis. he'll come around. inshaALLAH. have faith ya.

    text him again. if he doesnt reply, it may hurt but tell urself, it's ok. text him again 2 wks later hihi. when ure ready, one day tell him u miss him. if he doesnt respond, its ok. ure telling him not so he'll return it (altho if he does, bonus!!). parents hv their own idiosyncracies but we can't deny the good things theyve done to us kan. take care sis. i doakan. love ya

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Rocking HijabMarch 20, 2013 at 11:06 PM

      this comment makes me realize I really do need to do some catching up. hope we'll meet again soon. and as always, thanks for your soothing comment. love u too sis :)

      Delete
  4. UnknownMarch 20, 2013 at 11:13 PM

    When i read ur post i remembered the movie Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham. Have u watched it?

    There are no parents in the whole world that didn't love their child. Maybe their angryness n emotion clouded their mind at first, but trust me, as time past by they will started to miss u. InsyaALLAH =)

    All wounds will heal, all scars will fade...

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  5. ShobaMarch 23, 2013 at 9:52 PM

    dear sis, the same thing happened with my mum when i reverted, the thing is that, parents will always be parents... and everyone has this certain ego/fear inside them of having the other party not accepting them.. if you're willing to take that little effort in overcoming that fear/ ego and make the first move, InsyAllah, you find that things will work out just fine. But warning though.. that "little" effort takes a lot of courage... May Allah bless you sis.

    ReplyDelete

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