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The flat line that i dread

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

These past few days, i have been wondering about the same thing over and over again. Well actually i was wondering why i am not writing as frequent, and well, i concluded it was because i am currently in a state of plateau in my life, where things doesn't get any easier or harder. If i can put my life into a graph, i think it would just be a constant, flat horizontal line and right now, i can't seem to guess, whether the graph will go up or if it will go the other way around.

Sometimes i wished for things to get a little bit complicated or maybe for something really exciting to happen, because being in a state like this, made me feel as if I have lost His attention. I'm one attention seeker, aren't I? *smirks*

However, i know that i'm just being greedy so maybe, this state that i'm currently in is a test itself, to see whether i would abide to Him in times of complacence.

I don't know if i'm already used to the pain, but lately, since a few weeks ago, i don't seem to care that much about my father's issue, and though i am happy now, i am not sure whether to regard my state as a blessing or a curse. To me, it seems that my father's issue is no longer the threshold for my pain, which would only mean one thing; greater pain is waiting ahead and it's waiting to jump on me, at the moment when i'm most unprepared.......

Or maybe, this is a sign that my misery has ended and that i should be grateful for that? I'm confused, and afraid...am I neglected? :(

If i'm already rewarded with contentment here in dunya, then what will happen to my share in Jannah, where bliss is eternal? I am worried, really but i know, it's no use to worry about something that's merely a mind play.

In the end, i think, my situation, be it the calm before the storm or be it the rainbow that came after the rain, in any way, i have to be prepared...be very prepared indeed.



We must hurt in order to grow, fail in order to know, & lose in order to gain. Because some lessons in life, are best learnt through pain.

Comments

  1. zam3858November 11, 2011 at 10:53 AM

    almost totally unrelated. i just like to share with u a video u might find interesting. :)

    http://vimeo.com/31936573

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousNovember 11, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    Assalamualaikum

    Happy third anniversary to Nur Farah Syakirah in 3 days time. may Allah bless you always.

    ReplyDelete

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