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T And J

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

T and J. Tanggung and Jawab or, responsibility.

Being the first grand daughter of both sides, the first child in the family, gives me a reality that spooked me to this day. "Ohmygod why am I born like this???" But of course, after being a Muslim, I am constantly reminded of this phrase from the Holy Quran, that Allah never burdens a man with things that he cannot bear. [Al-Baqarah, 2:286]

Also being the only daughter gave me a responsibility to take care of my family's dignity, with things going around these days (e.g. mingling around with the opposite sex so freely), it is almost impossible for a person with no iman to have survived that kind of situation, unless they have been taught with high moral values from since they were young.

Being the only revert in my nuclear family, of course, gave me another responsibility. Sometimes I wanted to go "Argghhhhh why so manyyyy??????? Is it not enough being the first grandchild and first child???" But of course, this is a test whether I am faithful to His decree. There is always reasons behind things that happened. Sometimes Allah reveals them for us to see and take note, but most of time, we can't seem to understand why it happened in the first place.

So instead of questioning the 'why's, i guess it is much more appropriate to question the 'how's to level up with the responsibilities given. Be it the responsibility to guide your sisters or brothers, be it the responsibility given to teach your students, each and everyone of us have our own responsibilities, tailored to our own capability. The bigger the responsibility, the greater your capability. So how can we give up since Allah knows us much better than ourselves?

So here I am, saying, I'm up for this challenge and inshaAllah, by taking one step at a time, I'll be able to realize my goals. And there.....

(pause)

Oh my mum just called to say that she's bored. Apparently she was watching over my younger brothers playing at the playground while waiting for my dad to come from the auto shop to readjust the car alignment.

Now, where was I?

Oh yeah. Goals. And there's only one goal that I have in mind for now, and I only discovered it a few days ago after texting my senior back in school. Alhamdulillah, I hope it will go smoothly and inshaAllah, it will happen!!!! *coughs* With Allah's will of course. Never forget that.

Lately I have been feeling lethargic. Maybe I'm stressed and I keep trying to sleep it off, which made me realize only adds up to the stress. TT_TT

Oh, and by stress, I mean, student's stress. Since I am a dental student, I need to study as much medical subjects as the medical students do as well as the dental subjects. Tiring? You bet. There are lots of time that I feel like quitting, but thinking that this will do me good for the future if I ever want to be a speaker of the Deen keeps me going and also, by taking this course, inshaAllah, by the time I graduate, my dad would shut up once and for all about my reversion, because of the 'Dr.' title in front of my name. To those who didn't know, my relationship with my dad is still pretty much like a year ago. We haven't been talking for a year and 2 months now. Only my mum and my brothers were able to accept it openly, though only after some time. I know my mum quietly disagree, but I know as long as I maintained being just me, showing to her that I am still her daughter no matter what, I think she'll come to accept me completely one day. Oh and yeah, that also makes a year and 2 months since I last went home. So don't go around saying you can't go back home, wailing only because you haven't been back for a few weeks, in front of me, cause I might say something like this,

"You can go back whenever you want to but I can't go back not because I have a choice not to, but because I CAN'T."

Not trying to be spiteful but I was just saying that so that you may feel more grateful with your situation. :)

But hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

That's all for now. Need to get back to my studying. My exam's in a week. Pray for us.

Salam alaik warahmatullah.


From USM with love,
The Rocking Hijab.


We must hurt in order to grow, fail in order to know, & lose in order to gain. Because some lessons in life, are best learnt through pain.

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