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This mourning

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

Woke up with a heavy heart this morning. I thought I might sleep it off yesterday but it continued to earlier this morning. So after the Fajr prayer, I listened to Yasmin Mogahed's lecture, hoping that perhaps by listening to Islamic talks I might find peace in my heart.

A few hours later, the heavy feeling still persists but has somewhat decreased. Saw my mum's caller id on the phone and answered it. She was wondering when I would be having my holiday because she was planning to come to Kelantan this December, bringing my youngest brother along.

To those that have been following my blog since the past years, you might have known by now that my youngest brother is the one that I love most amongst  my family members, simply because I was there when he was born and I kind of formed a bond with him since I am the one that witnessed his first words, his first fall and who's not to fall in love with an adorable toddler like that?

So, my mum was still planning though so it's not decided yet but she told me she would go whether my dad will like it or not. She told me that she's gonna say upfront 'I'm gonna go to Kelantan and see Sandy.' Before this, in our previous meeting, the Le Reunion post, she had an excuse to go since she have to go to Nilai to pass my brother his laptop for him to use for his SAT exam. But this time, it is solely for the purpose of seeing me.

I pretended to laugh and told her why was she so eager to see me, jokingly of course, and she told me that it was because it was either her going to me or she might not be able to see me at all. I was kind of stunned and I asked her what she meant by that. She exhaled and told me, that well, with my dad having issues with me, it seems unlikely that I EVER get to go home at all. Of course I laughed, though at the other of the phone my heart is starting to feel all twisted inside.

Why I am laughing? Because like in our previous phone calls, I never showed that I am not okay. I wanted her to feel assured that I am okay, and that I am strong, and this has not affected me.

At the end of our conversation, I heard my mum's voice broke off but I pretended not to notice. She was crying.

:)

I really don't know what to say anymore.

...............


We must hurt in order to grow, fail in order to know, & lose in order to gain. Because some lessons in life, are best learnt through pain.

Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 22, 2011 at 12:05 AM

    Assalamualaikum

    Dear sister,

    Each time calamity strikes, say HasbiyalLah wa Nikmal Wakeel.

    I pray may Allah ease your burden in life. Amin

    ReplyDelete
  2. I.N.T.A.NNovember 22, 2011 at 1:36 AM

    Salam Farah,

    The magic and beauty of Islam are; no matter how hopeless, Allah asked all Muslim to be patience and keep dua to Him.

    These two things may seems same common thing that everybody keep saying and somehow the magic in it seems disappear.

    Darling Farah,
    don't give up. Have faith in Allah for Allah owns every heart. So, keep praying.

    I will too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A.November 22, 2011 at 5:55 AM

    I love reading your blog cause they make my problems so ridiculously small.
    You're made of good things!
    Be strong, rock that hijab :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Rocking HijabNovember 22, 2011 at 6:08 AM

    @anony:

    Syukran 'ala du'a. Ameen.


    @intan:

    Wassalam wrt.

    Thanks. :') InshaAllah I am okay now. Felt much better than yesterday. :)

    @ainul the alien:

    funny thing cuz i love reading other people's also to remind me that i have so much to be grateful for. heh. am rockin~ always have. hehe. thanks~ :) :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. ANANovember 22, 2011 at 7:55 AM

    ouh. reading this really made me want to cry. be strong, dear farah :) Allah will always be with you :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Rocking HijabNovember 23, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    @ANA:

    thanks for the du'a. :)

    ReplyDelete

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Speak good, or remain silent. (Bukhari & Muslim)

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