Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran
I AM AFRAID OF PEOPLE.
No, not afraid of people like you're afraid of mice and lizards. No, obviously not in that way.
It is the idea of having to interact with a large crowd, the minimum being 6 and below. And of course, this applies to strangers, or 2nd degree friends(and the list goes on). And also I am afraid to meet new people.
I was so afraid to a point that I was terrified and by Allah, I don't know how I became like this. To tell you the truth I'm not always inwardly socio-phobic. I've always been the first to greet a crowd and seriously, kind of an extrovert.
I noticed this problem worsening because I stopped going to daurah since a few months ago. Because I couldn't bear the thought of being in a crowd with only a few people that I really know so well.
I have applied to go for volunteer works but backed down at the last minute simply because of the thought that I need to work in teams.
I hated first meetings because that would mean I have to introduce myself to the crowd.
I hate giving talks because of the same reason.
And I have already filled in my details for an iftar event but again I backed out because of the thought that I will need to eat together with a bunch of people I don't know.
The reason why I avoided going on to trips and events is because I get tremors and will be sweating profusely whenever the thought of having to interact with new people came to mind.
And yes, it was so absurd that I even applied for volunteer works because honestly, volunteering to aid patients will obviously mean that I will need to talk to new people.
Before, I used to be fine going out to the mall by myself or to the stores to get my groceries, but now, I wouldn't even step out even if it means that I would starve.
I don't feel like going out and I avoided the need to go out. This does wonders for my budget but then, I shouldn't be like this.
I even stopped trying to go out for a jog regularly because I was scared of bumping into people on the pedestrian.
How do I live then?
I simply only mix around with people that I already know of.
This problem is really a big one that I don't even know how to fix by myself.
And yes, the reason I even posted this up is because I need advices. From people that I don't really know of. Paradox? But no, my problem only applies to real life situation. As long as I don't see you in front of me, I'm okay.
Though I may not look like it, as I always have this expressionless look on my face, DO NOT BE FOOLED. Underneath the calm water, there is always movement going on without our realization, and in my case, I can almost feel a tornado building up in me.
And yes, if there are doctors/doctor-to-be/professionals reading this, could you tell me whether this is a disorder or something? Of course, this may not be a great history but then perhaps you could deduce a few things that I might be having so that I may be aware of it.
Much thanks in advance.
ps: Oh yes, don't say "C'mon try to push yourself!". I tried. And cried.
pps: Yes, my problem is that bad.
"Sometimes we can't just say "Allah has a better plan for us."
We have to believe He does."
Hi rockinghijab,
ReplyDeleteI was somehow like you before and perhaps now I do still have a lil bit of the old me.. Well,what changes me I think when I started becoming a less ignorant muslim.. not saying anybody else was ignorant as i was, just in my case.. and I'm sure you are much much better muslim than I am..
Ok back to the point. then I started getting to know Him better.. I found he is the source of my strength to fight all the voice inside my head that tells me that I'm afraid of the society what if they dont like me what if i say something stupid what if Im awkward and so on.. Alhamdulillah, remembering him makes everything sufficient.. I do admit I'm not always and totally that brave now.. I still have my flaws.. Just that I think I know better what went wrong.. Perhaps u can do the same thing? Just sharing my experience as a reminder if that can be any help to you :))
siter,
ReplyDeletei feel like wanna help u, but i don't know how. hurm, i'll try to search for the solution and drop here again in future...hehe just, 2 cents from me, maybe just before u going out, pray hard to Allah to help u. cry? just cry, it's normal. seriously. i would like to share my thoughts. i always have a mindset that whoever that i meet is not a coincidence. there must be something that Allah wants me to learn from that person. be happy to meet a teacher? erk. n i always have a mindset that meeting people regardless new or not, is a chance from Allah for us to make pahala. just look at how Rasulullah treat people around him. it's amazing right. n most of the time, these mindset help me! :) just my 2 cents~~~~~~~~~~~
salam...i hv been reading your blog couple weeks ago...and this entry really left something in my heart as I'm actually just like you. I really hate when I'll act awkwardly when I meet strangers. especially in daurah katibah n so on that put us in big crowd with people of unknown identity. (kind of cruel statement, but it's true right? =,=) when I'm in that situation, I tend to walk by myself, acted like I have more important work to do as I started to look at my phone n so on. but, later on, my housemate whom truly understand this behaviour of mine, she advised me. her words are like this :
ReplyDelete"su (my nickname ^^) , bear in your mind these tips. get into the crowd because you will actually learn how to socialize with people. even if you don't talk, just sit with them and watch how they started their conversation. if you don't know what to ask, then it's fine, just listen to them what the world they are talking about, in fact, you actually will start to talk without you realize it. believe in me. "
And actually I did that. And I had overcome the fear of crowd. hehe. try it! aja aja fighting! ;)
Salam..
ReplyDeleteFirst, sorry if there is any grammar mistakes in my writing.
As I happened to read this, and somehow I also had almost the same experience like what you had (really) before this, thus I thought to share some of my thoughts.. hope it will be a good help for you in seeking the solution..
Ok, just for you info.. my problem before is very2 similar to you, which I also become afraid to meet people, have eye-contact etc... to the point that in the end, I started to avoid daurah, iftar, riadah etc, which before this I regularly attend... this is at the lowest point of my life that I can imagine, since going to daurah, iftar etc has become one of my main priority in life.. coz from there, I always get reminded, and my heart been filled..
thus, as I stopped going to daurah as I can no longer bear the pain and the consequences, I have said to myself that I need to get the solution to the prob quickly.
I know that by stop going to these program is not the solution to the problem, and even may worsen the condition. thus, I thougt I have taken that action, just that so I can get out of this 'mess' and can start to think calmly and rationally of the solutions...
And alhamdulillah, things have get better for me then.. and I started back to attend these programs after 2 weeks of my 'dissapearance'.
Ok.. for the solutions to my prob
Before going to that, I managed to detect how the problem started.... It is this very long sem break, which just after the sem break is over, I suddenly feel awkward to get social with people. ya
This also shows that by kept avoiding cntact with others.. it will not solve the problem. obviously
Ok, i think.. for my prob, it happens bcoz I think too much of what other think about me.. yes, too much thinking I guess is the case. and from doing this, it causes my body to drain quickly.. and always get exhausted
So, i managed to come up a few conclusions as the solution..
First, not too think much on what other think of us.. Always remember, we can never fulfill the expectation of everyone. yes, we never will. and the other thing, people judgement always inaccurate and even they often misjudge in many occasions. so, there is no point for us to fulfill the expectation of every single people.
To not think much on what others think of us is so important.. as it keep us to be calm and sensible.
Secondly, always think of what Allah see from you... do He pleased with your actions? Actually, this is the thing which should always bear in muslim minds, as we are here in this dunya not for other sake except to be His servant, and this dunya act as a test for it.
By thinking Him, it can does wonders to us.. as if we really focus on this, we will might not even persuaded by 'what other think of me' anymore, which actually I think comes from the shaytan.. and it keep us to have a big heart.
Feel the greatness of Allah also can help us to feel secure, as we believe Allah will stay by us as long as we remembered Him. And what are the things which Allah can't do, except from nothing? Does our heart will feel at ease, as we believe everything happen by His will.
And again, try to let Him be your sole purpose of life in every step you take. insyaAllah... by having that clear vision, we will not distracted by other 'small' matters. biidznilah
Thirdly, personally for my own case, I think Allah wants to teach me to be sincere to others. Allah wants me to help others, smile at others, concern on others problem sincerely.. not just because I have to do it. not just becoz, ok.. a good muslim must hv these following list of good act, ..... and I hv to abide to these rules.. no. it must come from the heart. purely.
Con't...
ReplyDeleteinsyaAllah, i think that's all.. sorry for the long comment, as I don't know how I can write it more briefly than this.
for my last say, if any of 'those' things again occured after this, first, don't get mad or feel bad/regret.. it is not your fault, it is not others fault, it is also ofcoz not His fault. It just happen to be like that, takdir.. coz everybody got their own weaknesses. which quite irony, the weakness always somehow let human to be humble, before The Almighty. U must hv tried ur best, i believe.
Don't be too hard on urself, keep on going, and lastly don't ever lose hope to Allah. Always do doa, and believe that only Him can get you out of this problem. ya
insyaAllah.may Allah ease ur problem my sister.. ameen
Salam alaik warahmatullah.
ReplyDeleteBismillah.
First of all, I would like to thank you guys for making that effort to comment on my, i might say, plea?
Anyway, may Allah bless our efforts and I hope I will be able to overcome this problem. Seeing that I am not alone in this problem and you have overcomed this made me feel that I still have hope to change. I have to admit this issue have been bugging me for so long and only now am I able to detect that what I have was indeed a problem.
But inshaAllah, I guess this requires perseverance and I will keep in mind, and in my heart, your kind advices and warm intentions of wanting to help me overcome this in order for me to become a better Muslim.
And to this, thanks again and I pray that Allah bless you and your families. My greatest hope is for us all to make it through this dunya and meet, if not in this dunya, in Jannah, inshaAllah ameen. :')
Jazakumullahu khairan khateera.
hahaha...
ReplyDeletegelak di pagi hari dulu... (i'm sorry for that, somehow it is a funny story u have there)
*camne la doc nak treat patient ni... (doc gg is still a doc)... selalunya budak kecik lari tengok doctor gigi, ni nanti doctor gigi lari sebab taknak jumpa sape2... hehehe =P
help needed in psychological thingy maybe ???
=)
senyum
@faiq:
ReplyDelete=_=*
you are still growing up...and a dental student at the same time..these things are really2 stressful
ReplyDeletemy tip is try to maintain your sanity...if u can't stand strangers..avoid them for the time being...the time will come when you are ready to meet strangers again(or you don't have a choice coz it your clinical years..hehe)..
remember...everyone have breakdowns...the important thing is keeping our sanity in the end...time will heal..
true story from a procastinator...:)
ps:being alone is better than having companies you don't like...a stroll at 3am sometimes help to clear my mind..
pps:crying is not that bad for you...
Is it a coincidence? or is it He drives me here with the intention to make me think, Allah knows best. :)
ReplyDeletei've been struggling and fighting with myself at the moment with the same issue, and id say, it's too painful, im too weak to walk this path anymore.
i've just started my own life few months back, moving away from a place i called home with a broken heart, living my dear mom behind giving me a tremendous pressure, a great pain to my weak soul. i have to learn to adapt with the surrounding i am not familiar with, with the people around that i am not comfortable with, just to make sure i wont be like a stray cat on the road. when i first came to this city, i didnt have a place to stay, i had to crashed my friend's house, i tell you i am not good with people, i am bad blending in with people i do not know, or even i know, all this while i am too comfortable living alone by myself, i dont have that many friends. i have two only. but none of them were there for me at that time.
and because i didnt want to trouble my friend's family anymore, i need to take any room there is, simply take shared room with people i never know, and i tell you i've been suffering every single day in there. i hate it when i am not able to blend in, i hate it when i feel way too comfortable being with myself only until i cant accept people's flaws. it's never been a good picture like this.
i do think it's because i am having a hard time finding a life out of the family make me think i am too ashamed to face the world, i feel really not comfortable at all, i feel like people are looking down at me, hence i should avoid making friends, i should avoid talking should i afraid i will slip about my broken family, i am too scared they will laugh at me, i am too scared i am unable to walk out one piece out of it.. i cried, i cried everytime, every single day, until now, my life is narrowed between myself and my broken hearted songs only. i dont know what's to life anymore. i dont know what's to dream anymore. and i tell you i am super tired to put up poker face when i have to see people. i ve forgotten how's it like to smile, to laugh, and i am too scared with myself. i am never strong so i am too scared to be noticed.
but alhamdulillah, my office is 98% of different race of mine, this is so far what make me still dare to live. they just wont really care if i dont blend in. but they are so far make me feel belong, make me feel at least secure for the 9 hours of my time.
we're reclused for a reason. if you cant overcome it, then dont force it. i am tired telling myself to do what i am not able to.
there always be a reason why. Allah knows it best kan?
:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
@didi.lee:
ReplyDeleteInshaAllah sis. We'll make it through. Leave it to Him. :')
I know how u feel. To this day I am still avoiding from this one friend who came from my hometown who coincidentally is studying here in USM as well. Just afraid I guess. Anyway, sis, there is no such thing as a coincidence, because well, it is already written in His book. We're just living it, but we also have the power to change our fate. Up to us, really, the choice. All the best to u too sis. And make lots of du'a. He will answer us, eventually and perhaps, making the du'a itself is the answer. Who knows? Only Allah knows. :)
dear Sis, well, i thought that only me having that kind a problem..what you describe it totally my problem, help me too =)
ReplyDelete@anonymous:
ReplyDeletedear anon,
let's help each other then? :)