Problem?

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran

I admit I am not a serious person. In real life, I joke a lot, I laugh a lot and I always make a bad situation look much better than it was until people might think that it was even ridiculous to even feel sad/angry about it.

So since my personality is originally like that, perhaps I might not be as 'muslimah'/prissy/goody goody/whatever when I write as well, because that just ain't me. I mean, I was a former non-Muslim, brought up in a non-Muslim family, what do you expect?

To expect me to be like those muslimahs yang memang lahir2 keluarga Muslim yang dalam tarbiyyah, that's quite unfair don't you think?

I'll write how I want, because that's how I am and as long as I don't break any rules, in this case, Allah's rules, I'll deliver my message my way, and if you have a problem with that, I'm sorry, I won't change how I am just because you want me to. You wouldn't want people to not accept you as you are and yet you are doing this to someone else. The irony.

I'm not really good at delivering my speech in Malay because well, I'm more used to English than Malay except when I have to speak, so of course I will speak in Malay, depending on who the audience is, and even that, I will sometimes mix a lil' bit of English in my speech.

I'm not mad(well, a bit). It's just that I'm tired of trying to fulfill everyone's expectation and I sometimes even gave myself a hard time trying to adjust to everyone's needs just because I actually cared so much about how people think of me. But I don't think that is how it should be.

I don't expect everyone to like me because well, I don't even like everybody.

So, I'm gonna stop trying to shape myself into other people's molding.

I'll just fulfill Allah's expectation alone. That's it.

After all, in the end, it's not gonna be between me and them. It's just gonna be between me and Allah anyway.

So, I'll pretend to be deaf and blind to all unnecessary comments on my writing. Unless it's a valid argument, then I'll accept it as a way to improve myself.

It's not easy opening up, especially about your personal life, and sometimes, humor is needed to tone down the sadness that I felt, and for that effort, I was declined, so imagine how I must have felt. It's never easy to open up about things that hurt you. It never is.

Sorry if I may sound a bit rough, because I was brought up that way, and to change all that jahilliyah in me in just 3 years time? Kinda hard. Even to get to where I am today, requires a lot of effort and a lot of tears along the way. Again, it's not easy but of course, who would even thought of trying to feel how it's like to be in my shoes? They wouldn't even want to think about it, and they wouldn't even dream to face what I have faced, because that's just how it is. People avoid pain.

So sue me if I'm a lil' bit perky and crazy at times, but that's just how I roll, in order to make my reality more bearable for me, because at times, it even feels hard to get out of bed and live.

Alhamdulillah that I was given the strength to keep on going despite all the things happening in my life, and alhamdulillah that Allah lends me a bit of His strength to keep on writing.


It's only fair that I asked for only a lil' bit of understanding, don't you think?


Salam alaik and may Allah's guidance be with you always.



We must hurt in order to grow, fail in order to know, & lose in order to gain. Because some lessons in life, are best learnt through pain.