Metal

In the name of Allah,
Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah,
the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds,
and Peace and Prayer be upon the Final Prophet and Messenger. Abdullah Yusuf Ali, The Holy Quran


There's this one thing that keep on coming in my mind, and it all began when I start to deliver my first sharing of my own experience, from the journey before and after I become a Muslim.

And it was triggered when I came across this hadith during one ISK, and that hadith keep on appearing in my mind, like an echo in a cave, and it keep on repeating like a broken record, disturbing me even in my sleep.

"Manusia seperti logam, terpilihnya mereka semasa jahiliyyah terpilih juga mereka semasa Islam, sekiranya mereka faham."

As we know, most people when relating to this surah, they will be reminded of saiyidina Umar al-Khatthab r.a., who before Islam was the most notorious of the musyriks but after he become a Muslim, his strength and power is used to propel Islam forward during that era.

And today we have people like Yusuf Islam, Suhaib Webb and here in Malaysia, people like sis Loo Joo Yee, have so much to contribute when they become a Muslim.


Yusuf Islam uses his voice to sing beautiful heart-wrenching nasheeds, Suhaib Webb launched a website discussing a lot of things which is of so many benefits, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf Hanson, now a renowned Muslim scholar, brother Lim Jooi Soon, brother Shah Kirit, Abdul Rahim Green, oh I can name lots more.

But me?

I have nothing except my experience.

Because I become a Muslim, not by comparing and contrasting the Quran with other scriptures.

Not by comparative religion.

Not by a sudden 'miracle' that made me realize that Allah is the One.

No.

I become a Muslim, only because I believed that Allah exists.

I don't know why but I can feel it in my heart, that Islam is the deen, Islam is the way, and in this modern world we believe in, the story of having 'faith' alone is not enough to move hearts.

And which is why most think that I am following Islam blindly, just because I was not a good Christian myself back before I become a Muslim.

But guess what? So far the more I learn, the more I am thankful that I chose to be a Muslim.


Anyway, this particular hadith, it struck my heart so hard, it got me questioning Allah why was I chosen?

I have nothing special with me. I was just a dumb kid back then who only knows how to follow her gut feelings on what to trust and what not to.

I am reminded myself of the story of Bilal bin Rabah. He was a slave. He was black, even. A race that was deemed the lowest of the low back then. He, too, had nothing to give, and he only had the kalimah 'la illa ha ilallah muhammadurrasulullah' with him. The Quran wasn't even fully revealed yet at that time but he, along with Sumayyah, clings hard to the kalimah of tauhid alone and didn't let go until death comes upon them.


I guess I, too, am like them. I have nothing to offer. I'm still studying. I don't have lots of money to give for infaq. I came from a so and so family. I'm not even pretty. Just an average person who is lucky enough to have been chosen to be a Muslim. I have nothing except my passion to share about how I feel of Islam. And even that, is not good enough for me.

Even when I write, I only write of things that I know, and believe me, I don't know that much.

I remembered when I went to KTT a few days earlier, I asked them openly, what is their expectation of me and I admitted that I have nothing much to offer. Because that is the reality.

If they wanted enlightenment of the differences of Islam and my previous religion, no, I couldn't give that to them because I am still learning as well.

I only know how to be a Muslim, and that's it, because the day I become a Muslim is literally the day I feel that I finally have a purpose in life. If you ask me now, I couldn't even recall what is it that I did with my life before I accepted His calling because I wasn't even keen on being alive back then. The memory of my pre-Muslim era is kinda vague and that is one of the reason I wrote about it(what's left of the memory) in Dakwat so that I may not forget entirely.


Anyway, I did talk about this issue to one sister and her answer might be what you're thinking currently as well,


"Mungkin Farah tak tau lagi apa kelebihan Farah, sedangkan saya nampak je kelebihan Farah tu."


Perhaps.


Because truth is, I really have no idea what advantages that I have to Islam. I really don't want to be a mere Muslim, who just sit back, do her own thing and did nothing for the ummah.

InshaAllah, some day I will be able to contribute a lot to this ummah. I pray that I'll be able to live up to that day. :)

ps: Am excited to go to MUKIM at Dewan Pusat Islam KL this Saturday. Nak release tension lepas exam la konon. May Allah bless our 'jaulah'. :)

"Sometimes we can't just say "Allah has a better plan for us." 

We have to believe He does."