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Pure rant

Sometimes I can't help but wonder, why is it that I am always so negative? My self-perception, most of the time, I wouldn't want you to even know what I think of myself. Why does it feel so upsetting to make mistakes? Why do I feel the need to feel perfect? 

I wonder if the reason for that lies behind my upbringing, but one thing for sure, I need to change it. I have been online lesser than usual because of this. I need to think. 

I am probably the most negative Muslim revert alive huh?

One of the reason that I have blogged less than usual is also due to the quote that have been stuck in my head for weeks now.

"If you don't have a heart, you won't be able to give any." or something like that.

My point is, I aspire to inspire people but how can I when I don't have anything but negativity residing inside me? I don't even like myself so how will I be able to make people love themselves enough to change for the better? Don't you see where I'm getting at? I'm a pure hypocrite, that's all there is to it.

So I need to figure out what to do with myself before I can figure out what to do with this blog.


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Comments

  1. The Tea DrinkerJune 28, 2013 at 10:58 AM

    i've been listening to a lot of talks on thinking positive lately and one of tips i got from there is that positive thinking takes practice. it's an undertaking. it's training.

    some of the method of 'training' includes being more aware of things to be grateful around us, aware of them more often, set a time to write the positives of the day. also mentioned 90% of the things we think about today are the same thoughts we have yesterday. and 80% of thoughts we have are negative once. so maybe you want to change that.

    interestingly, it is mentioned that if you are 'easy' on yourself, you stand a better chance of making creating and keeping a good habit. this means that if you approach yourself as a concerned friend or mentor instead of a garang teacher or an adversary... u'll tend to accept the advice you give yourself more.

    there's a balance to being aware of shortcomings. it's useful so we are aware of it and can improve ourselves but it is harmful if it just makes u feel bad all the time and take away hope that Allah gives in abundance.

    hope it helps. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJune 28, 2013 at 2:08 PM

    Thank you for this entry (as I've been feeling the same since forever)
    and somehow this gave me hopes in some way..

    And thank you Tea Drinker for the nice sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. A.June 28, 2013 at 10:32 PM

    You can start by not labelling youself as a muslim revert but just a muslim. You don't owe anybody anything just because you're a revert. Just focus on becoming a good muslim.

    ReplyDelete

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