The Art of Understanding

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.
{Al-Hujurat, 49:13}

Quite recently, I paid a visit to one of the infamous psychiatric hospital in Malaysia. Truth is, before that visit, I have this pessimism and I always try my best to avoid people with mental disorders. It doesn't help the fact that I live in Malaysia where psychiatric department is a taboo and is a sensitive issue. Even when the person only suffers from clinical depression, the moment s/he was admitted to the psychiatric ward, immediately they are labelled as an insane person. I too am guilty of this prejudice I have towards them and I am real glad to be given the chance to stumble upon a rather fortunate event leading to my visit to the hospital. 

I was first lead to the children psychiatric area. Basically they deal with Down's syndrome, autism, ADHD etc. I went to one of the occupational therapy room where they try to help the kids afflicted, no, born with these disorders to adapt to the real world and at least help them to gain the ability to do as little as buttoning their own shirts. This may seem minute to all of us normal people but I guess you just have to experience being around them yourself.

For the first session, I sat down in that room and came one 10 year old girl who seemed normal but somehow she seemed to have that 'a little bit off' look on her face. The occupational therapist in charge of that session told me that she has autism and also morning seizures which resulted in her weak and spastic left arm. Pardon the medical jargons. So the session involves in trying to make her practice using her weak arm so that she can carry out normal activities as simple as holding a cup. I helped out a bit and I was told that due to her abnormalities, she cannot talk and not because she couldn't but because she wouldn't as she feel inferior to us normal people. Or so they say. 

So can you imagine my feeling when that kid suddenly talks when I tried to make her say the colour of the cone she was holding? Honestly, I teared up and I was like, oh I really can't be a doctor and I am really fated to be a dentist. I am like a minefield of emotions and I tend to burst out in tears at almost everything, well, things that gets to my heart I guess.

ADHD kids are a bit on the funny side though they can be trying to your patience at times. Like this one time, this kid just won't look at me and she was being impatient because she just can't focus you know. 

What got to me is when it was time for this autistic patient and I got to know that his mom has been beating him since he was young. At the end of the session, the occupational therapist asked her whether that boy was okay at home etc and the mum confessed into threatening the kid with caning if he wouldn't do what she wants. She even told the teacher at her son's school to beat him if he didn't listen to orders. The occupational therapist try to discreetly imply that as long as she has been dealing with the boy, she never has to raise her voice or her palm in order to ask him to do the practices. The mum told us that she don't know how else but yeah, it was understandable I guess. 

Autism isn't something you can understand overnight and being from a non-medical background, she would've easily regarded her son's disability for laziness etc.

Anyway, I didn't get to visit the adult department but then, I listened to a few cases, forensic cases and I get to witness first hand adult patients that are already okay and is evaluated for discharge. 

I was walking with four other people, including one of the occupational therapists, when we saw two people pushing a trolley of cut up fruits and juice boxes. We were asking for the price of a large 'air kotak' when the lady(the ex-patient) told us it was only for 50 cents. But then the nurse in charge of the patients came and helped them out. The guy patient walked away and sat at the side, saying, 

"Sorryla. Macam ni la otak baru nak sihat."

That patient was admitted for psychosis due to drug addiction. I was silent and suddenly I felt that my heart was opening up to them. 

Since the visit, I keep thinking about those people and how even after the patients got discharged, the family won't accept them so they have to resort to working in the hospital as cleaners etc. Some even don't want to get back to the outside world because they feel so much accepted in the hospital. That fact shamed me a whole lot more and I felt guilty for the way I used to see these people. 

There's this one case that caused me to think more. One patient was admitted for shoplifting. A friend asked me whether I could guess what he stole and I was shocked to know that he actually stole mattress covers and comforters.

In my mind I was like, "Apasal la nak curi barang gabak-gabak macam tu?" It was illogical but it has a logic explanation.

When he was caught, he was actually having seizure and he was in a trance. He was pushing a trolley by the way and also found in the trolley, underneath the mattress covers and comforters, was his infant child.

Oh FYI, his previous seizure attack led him to trampling his infant child.

Can you imagine that? And can you possibly try to understand that?

In our mind he would have seemed an animal but no, he wasn't.

Too many of these people were judged unfairly and I have to say, I am still a bit sad about this.

But of course, those faking mental illnesses to cover for their crimes can just shoot up. Even if they got free, there's still one All Seeing Judge they will face one day.

Anyway, that visit made me think of the ayah I pasted above this entry. Perhaps we have a lot more knowing and understanding we need to do, besides just trying to get to know people outside our circle.

We have a lot more to do with the community it seems. I guess people are only cruel and judgmental because they do not understand.

I hope one day I can contribute to not just the community, but also the citizens of the world when Allah brings me to do so. InshaAllah. May Allah ease.